What Am I To Be?
by phoenixstitch
Summary: In the aftermath of Glory Buffy and her friends have to pick up their lives and return to normal. Some changes Buffy isn't ready to quite accept when it comes to Spike.
1. Default Chapter

WAITB1

What am I To Be?  
By Phoenixstitch 5/18/2001

I didn´t start out for this to be an after Glory story, but I guess it had to come out. This starts several weeks after the end of 5th Season. It deals with the characters trying to pick up the pieces of their lives in the aftermath of what has happened to them with Glory plus being part of Buffy´s very dangerous life. This is being written before seeing "the Gift" so bear with me if this isn´t exactly by the show.   
Rating at least PG-17 for language and adult situations. But if you can watch the show you can read this.  
Characters: Lots of Buffy/Spike, Dawn, and the rest of the Scoobies.  
Disclaimers: Yeah, you know the drill. Just borrowing, and trying out ideas and not trying to infringe on anyone.  
Comments, gripes, etc.: Vickey/Phoenixstitch -- vbmacky1@yahoo.com  
If you want this for your site give me a holler.  
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Part 1

Looking outside at the beautiful, sunny, normal Summer´s day while she was finishing up drying the dishes, Buffy was enjoying the sheer bliss of being able to do just normal things like housework without the crisis of the hour on her head. After being wound up tight for months she was finding that getting back to normal was in some ways harder than she thought it would be. There was still the aftermath of Glory having turned all their lives upside down, and then some to yet deal with. She was glad that Dawn was finally safe. Giles was still recovering as was Tara, and slowly was everyone else. Shell shocked was the best way to describe everyone after what all they had been through with the Hell Goddess. After dealing with Glory, Buffy didn´t think anything could faze her otherworldly wise anymore. What were run of the mill vampires and demons after that? 

Speaking of vampires brought to mind that Spike had been noticeably absent from hanging outside her house since they had all split up, and gone their separate ways after the battle three plus weeks ago. Not that she didn´t mind his being gone, but this just wasn´t normal for him not to be in her face, or annoying her. Buffy sighed in frustration as thoughts of Spike usually made her very confused, and upset because of his fixation on her. Just why did the idiot have to pick her to be in love with? She so did not need this, or any thoughts about him in any touchy feeling, damn he´s sexy kind of way. She had made up her mind that vampires were completely off the possible boyfriend list—permanently. At least she was finally over Angel now. She just wasn´t going to start thinking about Spike in any romantic way.

She wondered if Dawn had seen Spike recently, and not told her? Her sister did not keep her up to date on everything she did since she was now free to have a social life, and her own friends. Since school was now out Dawn was taking advantage of the fact when she wasn´t in summer school making up missed work. Even with the girl now having human friends to hang with, Dawn still considered Spike her best friend. For some weird reason her now very real sister continued to hang out with the peroxide pest. Buffy couldn´t figure out a way from really discouraging her from doing so, but she couldn´t forbid it either after all he had done for them all.

But now that she had started thinking about him she couldn´t get him out of her mind. Putting the last dish up Buffy wandered into the living room where Dawn was playing a video game on the TV instead of studying like she was supposed to be doing. "That doesn´t look like you´re studying for your history test," Buffy commented, and received a shrug from her sister.

"I´m taking a break—geez, Buffy. I used to see you do the same thing when you were high school, so lay off," Dawn told her, continuing with killing the demons on the screen with a machine gun and lots of blood.

Buffy´s mouth twitched in annoyance, and she bit back the response she was going say. Instead she got to the point of why she was standing there. "Okay, whatever. It´s your funeral. Speaking of which have happened to run into Spike recently? I´ve noticed he hasn´t been hanging around—not that I don´t mind, but it is sort of weird even for him," Buffy said trying to keep her cool. 

Dawn stopped her game, and grinned up at her sister. Buffy felt like a deer in headlights as her sister enjoyed her discomfort. " I told him it´d work. That you would notice him not being around."

"You set this up? You told Spike to do this to bug me?" Buffy questioned, trying to keep her temper under control.

"Yeph. Though it wasn´t supposed to bug you. He was just trying to be nice, and give you space. He said you needed time to yourself after everything. He´s still worried about you, and the way you snapped. He doesn´t want to add to your misery, he told me."

"So you have been going over to his crypt, and seeing him?" Buffy questioned, trying not to explode.

"Not his crypt, his new apartment. He moved. He got tired of some of his old pals dropping in on him and trying to tear both him, and his things up. And if he was going to have visitors like me, he wanted it to be at least a little nicer. He´s even gotten a job," Dawn relayed, enjoying Buffy´s astonished looks.

"Huh? Spike´s got a job, and an apartment? When did this all happen, and why didn´t anyone tell me?"

"About three weeks or so ago, right after we got back. Right now the only other ones that know are Willow, and Anya because he had to get Willow to help him set up his computer equipment. He swore them to secrecy because he wanted to surprise you that he did this all on his own. He´s doing on-line tutoring for the university, and they pay him, and furnish the equipment," Dawn explained. "He´s real serious about changing, Buffy."

"He´s tutoring people? How? I didn´t think he was that smart to be entrusted with other people´s heads," Buffy replied, hurt that her friends and sister knew what was happening with him, and she didn´t. She sank down on the couch to let all of this register in her head.

Dawn looked back at her sister exasperated, and shook her head. "See you´re already ditzing him. For your information he used to be a teacher at a private college when he was human. He used to write poetry and stories too, but hadn´t managed to get published yet before he ran into Drusilla and Angel. Spike is not dumb by any means," Dawn told her defending her friend. "He´s even going back to using his real name, and Angel helped him get the paperwork done so he exists as a real person now."

"Angel helped him? He actually talked to Angel without a big fight?" Buffy asked stunned.

"He said it took some persuading to get Angel to believe he was sincere, and not playing him. Cordy talked to Willow on the phone, and she explained everything that had happened with Glory, and with him. Angel believed Willow, and after that Angel went ahead, and got Spike´s papers he had been keeping for him since he left Sunnydale," Dawn told her.

"Gee, I really have been out of the loop haven´t I?" Buffy asked trying to comprehend all of Dawn´s news. 

"I would have been too if I hadn´t come over when he was moving, and I helped him. It was that day I was going over to Susan´s, and you freaked because you couldn´t find me?" Dawn reminded and apologized to her sister.

"Yeah, I remember, so you were helping Spike instead?"

"Yeah, it wasn´t a big deal. He´s got a cool place over by campus. It´s down in the basement, and he´s actually renting it—not like the crypt. Had to to get the job, and the computer. He wants to be respectable, he says. Anya´s showing him how to do on line investing like she´s been showing Tara and Willow. He´s doing pretty good at that," Dawn said with a flip of her hair.

"So is that where some of games, and junk have been coming from?" Buffy suddenly questioned, understanding the source of some odd things that Dawn had supposedly borrowed´ from her friends recently that had been showing up.

Dawn looked embarrassed. "Yeah, Spike wanted to. He knew money was tight with us, and wanted to do something nice for me. It´s no big deal really."

"That is a matter of debate, young lady. You´ve been sneaking around my back seeing him, and he´s giving you gifts. It´s just another way for him to try, and get to me through you. He´s using you, Dawn. You can never trust a vampire, you ought to know that by now," Buffy said angrily. "You and I are going to go over there to where ever he´s holed up, and you are going to return everything that he´s given you right now," Buffy told her standing up.

"Fine! He knew you´d be this way. Can´t you just accept that he´s changed, Buffy? That he actually wants to be good now?"

"No! I wouldn´t believe he´s changed if he swore on a stack of bibles. He´s up to something—I just know it, and he´s not going to use you to do it!" Buffy said determinedly. "Now, get all the stuff he´s given you and let´s get this over with!" she ordered Dawn, who just shook her head sadly at her sister´s stubbornness.

Fifteen minutes later Dawn had finished her gathering and stood defiantly by the front door with a large trash bag full of stuff. Looking through the bag, Buffy was shocked. There were clothes, books, video games, CD´s, beauty stuff, and some costume jewelry. It was quite a haul.

"You let him buy you all this?" Buffy questioned, looking hard at her sister.

"Willow and Anya helped too, especially with the clothes," Dawn mumbled, not really wanting to involve them, but she knew she better come clean.

"Willow and Anya helped—this just gets worse and worse," Buffy grumbled. "All right, let´s get this done," Buffy added as she stormed out to the SRV that had been her mom´s.

They got into the car, and Dawn gave her directions to Spike´s apartment. Other than an occasional direction question, the ride was done in icy silence between the two sisters. Buffy was still fuming, and Dawn was slouched in her seat sulking with her arms folded, and ignoring her older sister as much as possible.

Dawn told her where to park, and they got out of the car. Though Buffy wished she had changed clothes and put more coverings on to deal with Spike. Short shorts, and a halter top that barely covered her was not great for a business meeting which she considered this. He d seen her in shorts before and dresses that covered less, then why was she suddenly caring what she wore around him? It was only Spike, right? Dismissing further thoughts on the subject she looked at where he had decided to move to. The older looking red brick apartment building was just off campus on one of the quieter residential streets. Buffy recognized the place. Some friends of Riley´s had lived here for awhile so she knew where she was. "Where?" she asked Dawn who was looking at her sourly still.

"Towards that end, second door on the right," Dawn told her taking the lead across the sparse grass lawn, and finally to the sidewalk until they came to the steps leading down into the basement level apartments. "Down here," Dawn told her, walking down the short flight of concrete steps into the cool and dimly lit recesses of the hallway.

Dawn stopped in front of a battered, and in need of new paint door match 6B, and knocked. Buffy stood to one side trying to maintain her cool so she wouldn´t explode immediately on the vampire. It took about five minutes before they got a response. "Yeah, who is?" came the muffled voice from inside.

"It´s me, Dawn," she told him and after a moment they could hear locks being undone, and the door opened.

"Hey, kind of early for you to be coming around, Nibblet. Thought I told you to call, and warn me," Spike said standing there his hair wild, barefooted in a pair of cutoffs, putting on a t-shirt for his unexpected company, not seeing Buffy yet.

"I would have, but," Dawn trailed off glancing Buffy´s way to try, and warn him.

"I didn´t give her a chance," Buffy said glowering at him stepping into his line of sight.

"Oh shit," he managed to squeak out before Buffy had him by the neck, and held against the door. "Hi, Slayer," he tried to say.

"Hi Spike," she replied, shooting him black looks. "Nice place."

"I see she finally told you," he glared back at Buffy, hurt and angry. Dawn was standing behind them looking down at her feet mortified at her sister.

"Hey, this wasn´t my idea. She made me," Dawn told him, shifting uncomfortably on her sandaled feet, feeling really bad for the vampire and wishing her sister wasn´t such a hardnose bitch.

"I understand. Not your fault. Knew it´d be this way, no matter what I bloody did," he told the girl. Then he turned attention back to Buffy, and tried to keep his eyes on her face, and not trail down into her cleavage. It wasn´t helping that she was wearing so little, and he had just rudely awaken from a very pleasant, erotic dream about her, and ice cream. He sighed wanting to get this macho part of their usual meetings done with. "So you done with the theatrics, slayer? Want the nickel tour?" he asked disgustedly waiting for her to release him, and get her hands off his throat.

"I didn´t come her to see your place. I came here because you been running around with my sister and my friends behind my back and giving her stuff. You´re really low you know that?" she growled at him, stepping back letting him go.

"You would think that, wouldn´t you? I was just trying to be nice to her. And I know you don´t got the money for extras. Willow told me that. I was just trying to help is all," he said, folding his arms across his chest. "I mean it´s my money, I can spend it on whom ever I want to. I´d spend it on you if I could," he added wishing he could be more honest with her. She didn´t know, and wasn´t going to know that he was doing this all for her, and Dawn. He had an arrangement going with Giles through Anya to add his extra money from working and investments to what Giles was giving her from the Watcher´s Council funds because he knew that she´d never accept any money directly from him.

"What you´re trying to pay back for all the money you´ve been sponging off me and the group?"

"Yeah, that too. I know you don´t want to hear this, Buffy, but I have changed. Fighting side by side with the lot of you, and damn near losing you, and kid made me do a lot of thinking. I can´t be what I used to be. I´ve gone to far over to the white hat side. I don´t want to go around hurting, and killing people any more. Lost the stomach for it when I started seeing people as individuals, and not bloody happy meals ripe for the taking."

"Pleazee, you expect me to buy this crap?" Buffy shot back at him, disbelieving everything he was saying.

"Up to you then," he shrugged, knowing this was all useless, but he was still going to try. "I used to think it was all about youmaking you see that I could be good, and I wasn´t any kind of threat to you, and yours because I had the misfortune to fall in love with your ungrateful ass. Now it isn´t all about you, it´s about others, and what I can do for them to make their lives better in some small way. And I´m actually getting friends, human friends that accept me for myself."

"But you´re a vampire, a demon," Buffy protested.

"So? This is Sunnyhell—you think they are really going to notice that much, or care as long as I don´t try to bite them?"

"Then they´re idiots."

"Maybe, but the point is that other people do treat me like a person, not a thing to be killed on sight. Same with your friends. We are all starting to get along because they know, and see I´m trying to be different. I´m remembering what it was like to be human, and I like it. Like feeling this way. I´m just sorry I´m not fitting into your world view any more," Spike told her.

"But you still don´t have a soul," Buffy reminded him.

"Doesn´t seem like that makes such a difference when my sire can go, and do what he did to those lawyers, and then Dru, and Darla, and a whole bunch of other people this last year," Spike shot back, not really wanting her to know about what had been happening with Angel, but she did need to know.

"Huh? What lawyers? What? You´re talking about Angel?" she questioned shocked.

"Yeah, Mr. Perfect, soulboy. Yeah, that´s right you never get to hear all the gruesome details of what he´s been up to playing demon hunter. Cordelia, and Wesley filled me in, after Dru gave me the short version during her visit. I wanted to see if it was true, or Dru was off her nut again," Spike told her seriously. "Take it the poof didn´t talk shop when he visited?"

"No, he didn´t," Buffy replied, quietly, looking down at her feet.

"Figured as much. But the point is, luv, there ain´t that much difference between him, and me any more. He just gets a bout of automatic depression because of the curse if he screws up. Me, I know when I do mess up without a curse all on my own. Actually, I think I got the better deal."

"But you still have a chip—if that goes it´ll be business as usual with you," she argued back.

He looked at her sadly, "believe that all you want, luv, I´m through arguing. Now if this chat is concluded I´ve got work to get back to," he added, making a motion to go back into his apartment.

"You´re impossible, you know that. I came here to give you back all the things you´ve been giving my sister. I don´t want your help. I can make it on my own," Buffy told him getting back to the original point of this trip to his place.

"I see," he said raising a scarred eyebrow, but his expression stayed neutral. "I can´t take them back. She might as well keep them. But since it offends you so much I´ll make you a deal, I´ll just ask you the next time I want to give her something, will that fit your sense of honor?" he queried, looking at her, and wishing she wasn´t being such a total bitch.

That floored her. He was trying to reasonable, and work out a compromise. This was just getting too strange, and she needed to go rethink everything. "Yeah, that´ll work," she grudgingly agreed handing the sack back to Dawn.

"Good, now I´ll be going back to work unless you want anything else?" he asked, standing so she really couldn´t get a good look inside his place. This wasn´t like the crypt where she could barge in any time she wanted to, and he was letting her know that right now.

"No, that was all. Come on, Dawn," she told her sister, letting her know they were leaving. "I still have to run by, and see Giles, and go to the store," she added, and then walked away towards the steps and away from him..

"Bye Spike, sorry about her," Dawn told him as she hung back long enough to apologize to him.

"She´s your sis. I´m used to it. But I´m not going to let her get to me, or give up what I´m doing because she can´t see beyond her bloody nose. Just take care, and let me know how things are," he asked her, and she nodded, giving him a quick hug, then ran to catch up with her sister waiting in the afternoon sunlight.

Once they were on their way back to car Dawn had to ask her, "why do you hate Spike so much? What is your problem?"

"You wouldn´t understand. He´s been a pain ever since we met. Why won´t he just leave town, and get out of my life?" she asked, not to anyone in particular.

"He ain´t going to no matter what you do to him. He wants to prove that he isn´t going run like everyone else has on you. He still loves you, you know? That´s why he hangs around, plus he said something about a promise that he made to our mom to watch over us. I just wish you´d just give him a chance, and you two could be at least be friends—not whatever it is that you guys are," Dawn said climbing in the SRV, and buckling up her seat belt.

"That´s never going to happen," Buffy told her as she fixed her seat belt. "Too much pain, and I don´t think I can ever really trust him."

"You trusted me, and mom with him, and he protected all of us against Glory. What is it going to take? Maybe he would be better off with someone who could actually care about him—you sure don´t. He´s so damn lonely. He doesn´t even hang out at the Bronze any more, and just drink like he used to."

"He´s not?" Buffy asked surprised as she headed the car to the Magic Box.

"Nope. He´s not drinking hardly at all because he spends most of time home on the computer, or else doing patrols after he knows you´re in for the night."

"He´s patrolling?" Buffy questioned, staring at her sister, trying to understand. "Why?"

"He said he wanted you to get a break, and he needs some exercise."

"He wanted to give me a break? How long has this been going on?" Buffy asked.

"Since before Mom died, he started doing them off and on. Since Glory all the time. He´s just been making sure to stay out of your way."

"What-- he doesn´t think I can still do my job?"

Dawn just shook her head, "No, he just wanted to help, and do something useful. He knew you wouldn´t understand."

"Gee, you just seem to know everything going on with him. How come?" Buffy asked.

"Because unlike you, he, and I can talk about almost anything, and he doesn´t treat me like just a kid. We´re friends."

"What about kids your age? I thought you were trying to make friends?" Buffy questioned, afraid of what Dawn was going to say.

"I´ve been trying to hang with the kids from school, but being your sister is not a plus. Most people are scared to get close to me because of you. Or their parents, or older brothers, or sisters know of you, and that´s an automatic go away kid because I might be a target for the local nasties. Which I am. The demons in this town all know I´m the Slayer´s little sister, just like they know all your friends. They know what happened to Glory, and that has them all scared for the moment," Dawn told her, looking miserable.

"I didn´t think it was that bad," Buffy replied, beginning to understand Dawn´s view for a change.

"You got lucky with Willow and Xander being your friends right off the bat, and then you had Angel watching over you, and Giles as your Watcher and mom—me, all I´ve got is Spike."

Buffy made a face, but she could see Dawn´s point again. "Okay, I´ll lay off Spike. But you have to try, and make some normal friends," her sister told her, her tone softening in sympathy of being on the outside of normal life, and having to live with a secret identify and life no one else had to deal with.

"I´ll try for all the good it´ll do," Dawn agreed with a weary sigh because her sister still didn´t know how hard she was trying to be normal and it just wasn´t working too well. Before she had found out she was the "Key" everything had been sort of cool with other kids because she didn´t really know how different she really was outside of having a sister that did weird things. Now she was herself part of the weirdness, and unlike Buffy couldn´t fake being normal though she did try to.

The rest of the trip the conversation died down to nothing as each sister was lost in her own thoughts. 

End Part 1

To be continued---


	2. Part 2

WAITB2

What Am I To Be?  
by PhoeniXstitch

Usual disclaimers in Part 1. Feedback to vbmacky1@yahoo.com. In The Heart Of Darkness

Part 2

The Magic Box was still open by the time they arrived, and parked by the store. Buffy locked up the car, and they went in. There were a few customers looking at books and possible purchases, which was good as business had been slow recently which had been driving Anya up the wall. Luckily, the web site for out of shop ordering was paying off and that kept the ex demon happy handling order from it. She was busy with a customer and Giles was notably absent when they came into the shop proper. She saw that Willow was there—good. She didn´t have to make a special tip to her and Tara´s place like she had thought she was going to do. Willow was there along with Tara, and Xander at their usual seats looking through stacks of books on the table. It distinctly looked like a research party going on, and Buffy began to get worried that there was something going on demonwise she didn´t know about.

"Hi guys," Buffy cheerful called as she came down the steps since no one had noticed their arrival yet. "What´s up? Research party I didn´t know about?´ she asked coming closer to the table to see what had their interest. Dawn mumbled hellos to the Scoobies which they gave back, then took a chair on the other side of the table away from everyone, and grabbed up the nearest book just to have something to do, and to ignore her sister until they could leave. 

"Hi Buff, Dawny, no nothing that bad. Just new books that the Watcher´s Council just sent Giles. All the stuff we asked for months ago about Glory we are finally getting now that it is all over, " Willow sighed, shaking her head.

"Yeah, that sounds about right for that group. They do know that Glory is gone, don´t they?" Buffy asked.

"Giles let them know. They were rather surprised that we handled the problem, and survived as well as we did," Willow replied.

"Yeah, but it did cost us a lot. So they sent us books, anything interesting in them?" Buffy asked, seeing some Watcher´s diaries in the pile as well.

"Dunno yet, they just arrived about an hour ago by UPS. So what´s you guys up to? Just wandering through?" her friend asked, noting that Dawn didn´t look into happy of a mood.

"Sort of. Had to go have a discussion with Spike over Dawn," Buffy told her and saw her witchy friend flinch.

"Nothing serious I hope? I didn´t know you knew that he moved?" she asked, warily now, darting worried glances at both Tara, and Xander for support.

"Not until today. Dawn told me he swore everyone of you all to secrecy, and why, but it still hurts that no one wanted to tell me what was happening. Am I that bad of a bitcha?" Buffy asked seriously, folding her arms, and eyeing each of them in turn wanting an answer.

Willow looked flustered, and unsure how honest to really be with her friend. She chewed her lip nervously, and stuttered, "when it comes to things Spike related—yeah, you tend to lose it. No one was trying to keep secrets, he just wanted to wait to show you he had changed. He´s not like he used to be. Even Giles is impressed."

"Hell, I´m impressed, and you know Spike, and I have not been the best of buds," Xander stuck in his two cents worth, having been listening to the conversation. "He´s really not pulling a scam, Buffy. This is for real."

Buffy felt betrayed and hurt. They were actually taking the vampire´s side, and protecting him from her. "So everyone, but me knew about all this? Spike´s all forgiven for all the stuff he´s done? No! Not with me he´s not," she asked controlling her temper as best she could looking at the shocked, and dismayed faces of her friends, or at least whom she thought were her friends. She wasn´t even sure of that now. "No, I´m not handling this. I´m going back to the training room—now," she announced, and took off for the back room to beat out her frustration, and anger on the punching bag rather than her friends.

"That went well," Xander commented watching Buffy backside retreat in a huff. "I told you, and Spike that you should have broke this to her earlier. Now she´s pissed at all of us."

"I was just doing what Spike wanted. She knows now, and she´ll just have to deal with it," Willow said, still feeling Buffy´s anger. Then looking over to Dawn she asked her. "Was it bad?"

"So so. They stood there, and yelled at one another at his apartment. No one came to real blows, or any bloodshed. She found out about the stuff he gave me. That´s what started it, along with her asking me why he hadn´t been around bothering her. She finally noticed after like weeks, " the teenager told them. "But he got her to back down, and keep off my case."

"He got Buffy to back down? That doesn´t happen too often," Xander said impressed.

"He did. But he had been expecting her to act like this, so it wasn´t that big of a deal. I just wish I could figure out why his doing good is making her so mad. I think she´s just nuts," Dawn said picking up her book again, one of the Watcher´s journals to leaf through it.

"Not nuts, something else I think. They´ve been kind of like this since the spell, and Riley," Willow said thoughtfully.

"You don´t think Buffy really does love Spike do you? That would be too weird. Like with the spell they were all over one another, but that was only the spell—right?" Xander asked worriedly.

"I thought so too, but remember that the spell was only for them to get married, not for them to be in love, or want one another. That part they did all on their own. Spells like that don´t work the way it did unless there is something as a base to cause feelings like they were showing to come out. But she keeps denying that there is anything between them," Willow sighed. 

Willow had always wondered about why the supposed enemies at the time had been all over each other—so had everyone else, but they had assumed at the time just like her it was because of the spell nothing more. What had confused her was that the spell never said a thing about love or sex, just marriage. The two had been so heavily into smooching, and being so cute, and cuddly with each other that it had blown everyone away—if not nauseated a few of them. But she had been too embarrassed by her actions of casting the spell to begin with to even analyze the situation too closely at the time Buffy after it was over had forbidden her to ever, ever speak of the incident again—not even in jest. The reactions of the two afterward had been so polar opposite of the spell, it had puzzled everyone. The bickering between them pre spell had been bad before, but it seemed much worse after Riley became a part of Buffy´s life, and before Spike moved to his own crypt away from everyone. Though no one had too much time to think about much of anything because of the Initative, so all these early warning signs had been missed. 

She had also missed Buffy´s attraction to Spike from the first time they met too. Lots of odd conversations with her friend, and sometimes severe reactions Buffy had had to the vampire began to suddenly make sense to Willow along with things that he had said about Buffy, or had did. Damn, they all had been so blind she realized suddenly as it all sunk in.

"I think it is denial. The way she acts around him, yeah, there is something, but she´s fighting it. Maybe she´s fighting it because of our reactions to him over the years?" Xander questioned, looking at his long time friend. "They act like a couple of kids in grade school that like one another, but don´t want to admit they really do. Remember how we used to fight back, and forth when we were kids, and all the denial we went through that one time?" he asked her.

"Yeah, but we never did all the screaming, and fighting those two do—did we?" she questioned, raising a eyebrow as Tara and Dawn looked on amused.

"No, but we weren´t mortal enemies, and had people down on our cases about our choices in people either."

"True, so what you are saying is that we´re all partially responsible for Buffy´s problem right now because we put down her choice in men, and if she does really care about Spike, but is afraid to act on it it´s because she wants our approval first, so now we have to convince her it´s okay now?"

"Yeah, something like that," Xander replied a bit dazed, trying to follow Willows convoluted logic.

"Okay, that should be that much of a problem—I hope," Willow told him, and began thinking on what they could do to make things right.

"But this is Buffy we are taking about, and her being involved with another one of the undead. Riley was the only normal mortal guy she has had any long term with, and he wasn´t all that normal when they first met. Then she almost got with Ben. I shudder now at how close a real disaster that was. She just seems to have problems connecting with normal guys. She probably thinks that if she gets with Spike than that would be a confirmation that all she can hook up with are not normal guys," Xander commented taking a sip of his drink.

"Well, she´s not normal, but we keep trying to tell her she is. We have to figure out how to convince her that not normal´ is good too. Let´s face it none of us have any room to talk about normal´ ourselves," Willow said pointedly.

"Yeah, you do have a point Will," Xander admitted, and he was the most normal person in the entire group and occasionally there were doubts about that too. "So who´s going to volunteer to do the talk´," he asked looking around the table, but mainly to Willow.

"Me? Why me? You´re her friend too," Willow said at Xander´s look.

"Isn´t this kind of a girl thing?"

"Yes—no—maybe? I dunno. Maybe both of us?" she suggested, "it´ll sound better coming from both of us."

"Fine, we´ll do tag team. But the sooner we do this the better. I´m not going to have her screw up Spike, and make us all miserable with her gripping about him when he doesn´t deserve it, Xander replied and got up from his chair, and waited for Willow to get out of hers.

"Okay, let´s go do this,. She ought to calmer now—I hope," Willow sighed, and got up to follow her friend back to the workout room. "Be back in a bit," she told Tara, and her girlfriend gave her a reassuring smile. and murmured, "good luck," before they left to face the Buffy beast.

Buffy was still aggressively beating up on the punching bag when they came in. Buffy stopped, as she her the door open and felt them come in. She turned to regard them both cautiously already knowing something was up by their nervousness as they came into the room. "Hi, guys, what´s up?" she asked, picking up a towel, and wiping off her face. And upper body.

"Not much, but I think we need to talk. I think we were wrong about a bunch of stuff, and about you and certain other people," Xander ventured, and flinched back when he saw Buffy´s eyes begin to narrow, and look from one to the other of them suspiciously.

"Other people, and me? This has something to do with a certain blonde pest doesn´t it?" 

"Umm yeah, but not entirely, Buffy. We think we were wrong on the whole normal guy thing. So was Angel. You are you-- a slayer, and normal guys—well, they just don´t work out too well, you know," Willow spoke up.

"Yeah? But I haven´t given up on the idea of that yet. I still want normal, okay?" Buffy shot back, controlling her anger.

"But what if we were all wrong? Maybe not normal´ is what you need after all? Look at us--We´re not all normal either, well I am, I guess, but hey, I´m marrying an ex demon. Will and Tara are witches, Dawn still is something, or the other, Giles is sort of wizardly, and Oz was a werewolf, and Cordy now is a seer. Weird is our world, and we have all tried to fit in with the real world, but after all of what we have been through, it´s changed us all in some way. Maybe the problem has been all along that you needed someone like yourself that isn´t going to get hurt, or freak out over what you do, and are. Someone that does accept you all the way," Xander told her calmly.

"Someone like Spike--you mean?" Buffy questioned with a sneer, standing with her arms folded against her chest, glaring at her friends for even suggesting such a thing, and trying to interfere in her lovelife or lack there of. They were trying to play match maker between her, and a vampire—this was too strange, and sad.

"Yeah, someone like Spike," Xander shot back not flinching back from Buffy´s angry looks at both of them. "Maybe were wrong all this time about you, and vampires. We were wrong about him, and Angel—they are on our side, and good guys, And maybe too it´s our fault that because we were so negative about them, you were afraid that if you took up with another one you´d lose us as friends. I know I pushed you that way—we all know we pushed you that way. So that if you did have any feelings for Spike you ignored them because if you admitted you liked the guy then we´d turn on you because you were supposed to hate him," Xander said carefully.

"You really expect me to buy this it´s okay now crap?" Buffy asked. "I don´t feel a thing for Spike. Yeah, I´m grateful for his help, and all, but I am not that´ grateful that I would fall right into his arms because he´s all manly, or whatever!" Buffy said, trying to keep her cool. "Did he put you guys up to this?" she asked suspiciously.

Willow shook her head, and saw that their suspicions weren´t off at all. Buffy was showing every classic sign of denial. "Nope, this is just us talking, and watching how miserable you are. And also how you react, and have been reacting for a long time to him, or any mention of him. Admit it at least to yourself that you do care about him, and have for a long time. You wouldn´t have acted the way you did under the spell unless there was some sort of feeling there—both of you wouldn´t have because you two were practically taking off each other´s clothes at Giles´ apartment."

"WE WERE NOT! It was the spell. It wasn´t me—it really wasn´t me. And him—I don´t know what his problem was—is—whatever. I´m not in love with Spike. I can´t be in love with Spike! It´s just wrong," Buffy protested, trying not to blush too and failing.

"Okay—okay--maybe it´s not love, but there is something major there going on between the two of you. Even I can feel, and see it. The point is, is maybe it´s not wrong after all. Maybe slayers, and vampires are supposed to get together because you are so much alike. And maybe the Council was wrong like a lot of things they have told us were wrong. Like vampires being unable to change their natures, or have real feelings. Let´s face it Spike never has been a typical vampire since any of us have known him. Now he´s even more harmless, and being almost human. Vampire, or not he´s also been the only guy to stay around no matter what has happened—that ought to count for something too," Xander told her.

"You through?" Buffy asked through clenched teeth, just barely keeping herself in check. She really didn´t want to have an out and out fight with her two closest friends, but one more word about how Spike had changed, and was suddenly okay she was going to, and it wasn´t going to be pretty.

"Yeah, I guess," Xander said sadly looking at his friend, and her stony expression. He already knew nothing had gotten through to her. "Come on Will, it looks like we wasted our time—again," he told his oldest friend.

Willow had seen Buffy face too—she called it the mask´ which Buffy always put up to hide whatever was really going on behind those burning hazel eyes. Some of their words had gotten though, but this one of those things that Buffy herself would have to work though for herself. "Yeah, it does too. All we were trying to do, Buffy, was make you feel better about the situation, and let you know it was okay with us. It just seems like we made it worse, I´m sorry. We won´t bring it up again," Willow said, turning to leave. 

"Good, because this is not a matter for debate--ever. But I will cut Spike some slack, but that is all. I can see he´s trying, and I don´t really want to mess that up. But him, and me together—no way in Hell, and let´s just leave it at that," Buffy said as they were leaving, and they both paused then nodded in understanding before they went back out the door to leave her alone.

After they left and shut the door Buffy attacked the punching bag full force, assaulting it which a savage ferocity she hadn´t dismayed in a long time. She kept hitting it, and hitting it, growling out her frustrations until the sounds she made were no longer human sounding. Her breath was coming in ragged gasps until she collapsed upon her knees on the floor mat spent physically at last. However, the emotional war in her head had grown to epic proportions, and was totally wrecking all the sense of peace she had regained since the they all had been running for their lives to protect Dawn, and the battle itself.

Until now she hadn´t had to really think about Spike since they had been avoiding one another after they had saved Dawn, and the Universe from total destruction--again. Mainly she hadn´t wanted to because she wasn´t ready to deal with him, or any of the unfinished business between them. She still had a long list of things she hadn´t forgiven him about, things that the gang only knew of in vague terms, or sometimes not at all. They had missed out on a lot of the confrontational conversations that she had had with the vampire. Especially the more personal ones that still stung, and hurt months, and in some cases years after the fact. He knew how to get to her under her skin better than anyone did. Her head, and heart were two places that she didn´t want anyone in. Not after Angel. Not after Riley. But damn him, he had already slipped in when she wasn´t looking, and she wasn´t liking it at all. 

Yeah, he had been changing prior to his torture by Glory—she hadn´t been as obvious as they all thought she had been. But couldn´t they also see that he had been doing it to only get close to her, and not for any other reason? She didn´t want his supposed changing to be only about her, and Dawn or the gang. If it was real than it had to be about, and with people beyond her, and the Scoobies. Maybe that was too much to hope for? But if he could do good for strangers he had never met, and didn´t have a personal stake in the situation, then it would prove he was really sincere.

Now that she had made up her mind on the conditions of his proving to her he was sincere in changing, she had to figure out the means to deliver the message. Somehow she wasn´t trusting the gang to do it for her, or Dawn either, nor should they have to act as go betweens. This was personal which meant she had to do herself, but could she now after the hissy fit she had thrown at his place? She did owe him apology. He really hadn´t done anything wrong, not really. It had been her overacting again without all the facts. Before this got any worse, and strained between them, along with her messing things up she would have to go see him. Which meant tonight alone. Suddenly, she had butterflies in her stomach at just the thought, and just as quickly tamped them down. He was not going to get to her. This was an apology nothing more.... Just business.... Nothing else.... There was no else. But why did she hear mocking laughter in her head as she walked to the door to apologize to her friends, and to see if they could keep an eye on Dawn for a while?

End Part 2

Feedback? Vickey aka Phoenixstitch at: vbmacky1@yahoo.com

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	3. Part 3

WAITB3

What am I To Be?   
By Phoenixstitch 5/18/2001 

Part 3 

Part 3 

Two hours later after she had dropped Dawn, Willow, and Tara off at her house, Buffy pulled up in front of Spike´s apartment building for the second time that day. She had timed her visit for around sunset. She had also changed clothes to a black tank top, black jeans, and boots. She left her jacket out in the car as she wasn´t figuring on staying long and needed to do some patrolling after this meeting. In her mind she had rehearsed what she was going to say but everytime she started to open the door to get out she froze, fighting her conflicting emotions. The minutes kept tickling away as she sat. She still really didn´t want to do this, but putting it off would make it worse. 

Before she got cold feet for the umpteenth time, Buffy made herself get out of the car, and walk the short distance to his apartment. Why she was so nervous, even she wasn´t sure—? This was only Spike for God´s sake. When had she ever been afraid to face the vampire before under any circumstances? Though most of the time her discussions with him had not included apologies for her being such a bitch either. And she had been admittedly a super bitch to him, even after his torture at Glory´s hands, and all that he had did to help they all escape from town. The fault hadn´t lay in him it had lain in her, in her fears of letting herself feel again. Finding out that Ben, who she thought was just a nice normal guys, was anything but, and really Glory in disguise had really messed with her mind more than any of the gang knew. She had begun to be interested in him. Luckily, she had canceled out on a coffee date before it could have gotten worse. 

Spike was a whole 'nother matter. She had not been completely deaf, dumb and blind to his interest her as something other than the Slayer, and his enemy. She was aware he was attracted to her when they met and all the times they had fought while she was with Angel, then during the Angelus period. When he had come to her for the truce, and met her mom, he had been polite and courteous—decidedly non vampire acting even then. He had actually bonded with her mother, and they had gotten along wonderfully even after her mom knew what he was. Her mother had always treated him like a person and like one of the gang, no matter what. When the final showdown came, Spike had kept up his end of the bargain, and left town with Drusilla while she stopped Angel. She was glad at least one of them was going to have a happy ending if she couldn´t. A small part of her had wished she had been going off with him instead of having to kill her lover to save the world. She sent Angel to Hell, and then left everyone behind without a word. 

She spent the summer recovering as best she could, and finally went home to face the music alone. When Angel reappeared it was both the most wonderful, and the worst time of her life. Wonderful that Angel was back, and alive with his soul intact, but horrible in that she was hiding. and keeping his return a secret because of the way everyone felt about him. A lot of why she was fighting her attraction and feelings toward Spike dated from her times with Angel, and her guilty feelings when she was with him because of what her friends felt and said about him because he was a vampire. Angel having a soul only made him marginally better in their eyes. Souless was beyond bottom of the barrel. They had all drilled that into her, and even now she had a had time looking past that fact despite Spike´s chip and good behavior. 

At first she couldn´t understand why Spike came back to town after Dru dumped him—a whole world to play in, and he had to return to turn her life upside down as well as those of her friends. Her and Angel´s relationship hadn´t been all that stable since his return from Hell, but after Spike´s visit, and 'just friends´ speech it headed downhill more rapidly, she realized. Spike hadn´t expected to find Angel, and her back together. And because of Angel being in the picture Spike had had to make new plans. That was clear from his shocked expression when she had arrived home to find Spike having cocoa with her mother. He hadn´t come for a love spell for Dru, he really had come to be with her thinking she was alone, and lonely like him. 

Until recently the 'why´ of her house of all places to go had not been clear. He had come to see her. Her town, her friends, her house, her mother, her all represented home, and safety to Spike. Dru´s little speech while he had her, and ex girlfriend chained up made things finally click into place. Their arguing hadn´t been over the Chaos demon, it had been over her because he already had her in his head, and was in love with her when he left for South America. He may have been able to hide the truth from everyone, including his self, but not from Drusilla. 

Not from Harmony either she had realized when she had had time to analyze the air head vamp´s comments regarding her and Spike, and why the blonde bimbo had been jealous of her off and on. Not afraid, jealous, Buffy had realized belatedly. That had been the reaction at that party where she had run into Spike and Harmony before he had gotten the ring after he had returned to town again. Spike had been jealous of Parker and Harmony had been glaring daggers at her while she cling on to Spike. At the time it hadn´t made any sense. It did now. 

Did she even want to think about Willow´s spell? As it had been pointed out it had been about marriage not love—the two of them had done all the smooches, cuddling, and damn near taking off their clothes, and going at one another all on their own. The spell had only served to let them let lose their inhibitions, and let their true inner feelings surface under the safety of the spell. For that brief day she had been totally, and completely in love with Spike, and it had felt so very right, and wonderful. She had never felt so completely alive, and loved as she had in his arms. God, could he kiss, she remembered with a blush. After the spell was over she had been so crushed, and lost inside. But to pursue her mortal enemy for real would have been worse. Her friends, Giles, none of them would have never understood. So she had had to deny her feelings, and pretend it had never happened, and it had all been the spell, nothing more. Luckily, her friends bought it and her secret was safe. 

Spike seemed to feel the same way. Their sniping at one another had gotten ten times worse instead of better, especially after she started going out with Riley. Spike really did hate Riley for being both human, and part of the Initative who had put the chip in his head. Most of all he had hated Riley for being able to get close to her, and do the things he really wanted to do to her. Spike moved out of Giles and away from being involved with the group because of her and Riley, though at the time she hadn´t thought about it. If the Scoobies and her had worked with Spike to fit into the human world instead on putting him down so much maybe some of the events with Adam wouldn´t have happened. Maybe her and Riley would have drifted apart sooner too with all the later pain and hurt avoided or muted by events. 

She was still afraid of Spike because he could do what the others couldn´t—see through her, see into her heart, and soul like no one had ever been able to do. He could hurt her with a word, a look, a gesture, wound her like no other. There were dark, deep depths that she was deeply ashamed of…ones she didn´t want anyone to see, and she thought she had hid them well, but she never could from him. 

She stood at the top of the steps that led down to his apartment asking herself why she had come here and getting very cold feet. Truth is he had been doing lots of things that didn´t even apply to her directly like the tutoring on line. That definitely didn´t have anything to do with her. Helping on patrol without her knowing it was sort of in the gray area, but ultimately it helped the people of Sunnydale survive. He had been buying and giving stuff to Dawn and her friends and not rubbing it in her face,. He hadn´t even asked for recognition by her. Okay, she had misjudged him, his motives—it was her just being a super bitch for no good reason –again. She should let it drop and just watch—from a far—yeah, that would be better than making a total fool out of herself. Deciding to leave before she really messed things up further, she turned and walked away back to her car and drove away. 

"That was interesting," Spike commented to himself as he stepped out from the shadows of the building watching Buffy drive away. 

He had watched her get out of the car and walked determinedly to the entrance of his apartment then stop and mutter to herself. It was clear she was still upset about earlier, and Willow had called him, and warned him that Buffy was in a fouler than usual mood. He wasn´t quite ready to talk to Buffy either, and he appreciated that Red was worried about him. He had made up his mind that no matter what happened or didn´t happen between him and Buffy he was going to continue on with what he was now doing because he was enjoying his new life and beginning to feel a part of things after almost a century of not really belonging anywhere. 

He had left his trench back in the apartment, and was wearing a red T-shirt over his black shorts as part of his new image. Since he was trying to change all aspects of his life, he had let the girls drag him to the Mall a couple of weeks ago to go clothes shopping. He had protested on the shorts, but Willow had pointed out that even his old demon friends wouldn´t recognize him out on patrol which would be a good thing since he could get closer to stake them. He had to laugh at her logic and had even let them talk him into going to Hairtrends to turn his hair back to it´s natural color. When the stylist had gotten done all the girls had giggled and given him wolf whistles. Even Tara had looked him with new eyes, and if he could have blushed he would have. He had treated the girls to a big dinner after that and it had been one of the most fun evenings he had had in a long time. Because he had felt totally accepted by all of them. Now if he could only be accepted by her, he sighed. 

He picked up his back pack of weapons from the ground and slung it over his shoulder. Then he started walking, headed for the cemeteries to start doing his rounds. Before he had even gotten to the first one he had managed to kill three vamps, enjoying their surprise when at the end they recognized who he was. With the warm weather there had been an increase in deaths and a rise of the vampire population. Someone was trying very hard to create minions, but he hadn´t been able to get a handle on who and where their lair was located. He knew how many he had been taking out at night, and wondered how many the Slayer had been seeing on her rounds. Xander and Willow had also reported that there seemed to be more vamps around than usual too. He had actually thought that they would all get a break like they had last summer. 

Spike noted Buffy´s SRV parked by the gates of the cemetery he was about to enter, and sighed. He was debating whether to go elsewhere, and avoid her all together, when he heard the sounds of fighting. He decided to investigate, and followed the sounds until he could see Buffy battling with about five vampires, and an ugly, orange colored demon that he didn´t recognize. Standing in the shadows of a mausoleum beyond the fight was a figure in a long dark cloak looking on, but not getting into the fight. He didn´t hear any chanting, or feel magic being worked, but he did get a feeling of familiarity. One of the vamps had tripped Buffy and he saw he fall while the others pounced on her. 

"Sod it all," he swore, and grabbed some stakes, and his battle ax from the backpack to jump into the middle of the fight. 

Buffy knew someone had joined in on her side when the vamp holding her by the neck and getting ready to have his one good day exploded into dust. She saw a streak of red and black and bare arms and legs that she didn´t recognize take out the orange demon with a battle ax. Shaking her head she jumped back into the battle and took out two of the vamps while her mysterious helper took out the remaining one. Seeing that there were no more she slid down to the ground to collapse, panting a little. 

"You okay, Slayer?" Spike asked, squatting down next to her worriedly. 

"Spike? It was you?" she asked shocked as she recognized the voice ,but not the person in front of her as she tried to focus on him. It took a minute to recognize him without the white blond hair and usual black on black clothes. 

"Yeah, I was passing by, heard the fighting, and saw you were have a bit of a problem so I stepped in. You okay—really? You´re not usually this winded after a simple go like this?" he asked, taking in her pale color and flushed cheeks. 

"I know. I feel dizzy and strange. That orange demon clawed me. He must have been poisonous or something," she winced, lifting up her shirt so they both could see five deep claw marks that were oozing blood and looking very angry and red. 

"I´m taking you to the Watcher´s then—no arguments. I didn´t recognize the demon, but it´s clear he was working with that lot. Probably a damn set up so he could get in a hit on you. They were all working for someone that was clear. There was someone lurking over by the crypt there just watching it all, but they left when we won," Spike told her, reaching out a hand to feel her clammy forehead, wishing he could tell temperature to see if she was feverish or not. "Can you stand?" he asked, getting up. 

Buffy tried to stand but didn´t make it and Spike swooped her up in his arms before she could fall forward on to her face. Grabbing up their weapons packs he hurried to Buffy´s car. She was already passed out, so he felt around in her pockets and found her car keys. He laid out in the back seat then got in and drove as fast as he could to Giles gratefully that she had brought her car. Glancing down he saw that she had left her cell phone in the car charger and punched in the Watcher´s number to warn them they were coming. 

After a couple of rings Giles picked up. "Rup´, I´m on my way to the shop. Buffy got clawed by some sort of orange beastie, and it´s doing a bloody number on her. Get a hold of the girls, and let them know what is happening," Spike told him as he drove. 

"Orange, you said. I´ll start looking it up right away. At least that´ll narrow it down a little," Giles said trying to stay calm. 

"I should be able to recognize it if I see a picture. He was with five vampires and they were working with someone. Didn´t get a good look at who, but it fits with the increase in vamp activity that has been going on recently," Spike added. "But I´ll talk to you more once I get there which should be in another couple of minutes. See you then, mate," he told him hanging up, and concentrating on his driving and taking worried looks in the rear view mirror to keep watch on Buffy who was moaning now in pain in the back seat. "Hang on. Luv, we´re almost there," he told her. 

Ignoring the traffic rules he floored the SRV and arrived at the shop and parked. Carefully, he picked up the unconscious slayer and rushed her into shop as Giles opened the door for them. Anya and Xander were looking at the demon indexes as he went past them and carried Buffy to the training room to lay her down on one of the mats. They both looked up worried at Buffy´s pale looks and moaning. Giles told Anya to get some wet cloths and the first aid kit then follow him. She ran to the bathroom, and got what Giles wanted, and went to join them in the training room while Xander kept going through the books trying to narrow down the possibilities. 

Giles was looking over Buffy´s wounds and frowning as there were vivid red streaks radiating from the claw marks, and it was clear that the girl was in very bad pain from the toxins spreading through her system. "We have to get these cleaned out," Giles told Anya. Then looking to Spike, "go in there and see if you can figure out what kind of demon it was," he told him and saw Spike about to protest, but then the vampire gave in, and went into the main part of the shop. 

Xander had a book marked a couple of likely candidates and had the books open and ready when Spike came through the door. "How is she?" the young man asked. 

"Not good. I hope the bloody demon is in these friggin books or we´re going to lose her. Someone set this whole thing up real good. Wish I could have seen who was directing the bloody show but it was too damned dark to get a good look at them, and then the bugger vanished," Spike told him. "Here, this might be the beastie," pointing to a picture in one of the books. 

Xander grabbed the book and started reading. "This is not good. If this is the right one, it´s a Tumax Demon and their claws are loaded with nasty venom which unless treated can result in death within six hours," he explained looking worriedly up at Spike who had gone paler than usual. 

"I´ll get Giles, you kept reading, see if there´s a bloody antidote," Spike ordered, and took off back to the training room. "Any change?" he asked as he came in the room. 

"None, and she seems to be getting worse. Find anything?" Giles asked turning his head to see Spike squat down next to them. 

"Yeah, I think it´s a Tumax Demon, and it´s not good. If we don´t find an antidote she´ll be a goner," Spike told him, holding his emotions in check as he looked down at the woman he loved above all others. 

" A Tumax, you said?" Giles questioned and Spike nodded. "Damn, I was afraid of that. It´s one of the few demons whose venom is lethal to slayers. Someone knew what they were doing as they are very rare and hard to control," Giles told him standing up. "But with luck I can make a remedy that will remove most of the toxins out of her system, but it´s still going to leave her weak and very vulnerable. Basically, she´ll be striped of all her slayer powers, and have difficulty walking, or doing much of anything. It´s the base for drug they use on slayers when they turn eighteen." 

"Shit!" Spike exclaimed angrily, knowing all about that horrible test from the group. "So for how long is she going to non-slayer?" Spike asked surprised and worried as he looked up at the Watcher. 

"It depends. Could be days, could be weeks, depending on how much got into her system and how soon the remedy will begin working. Or if the remedy even works at all. The toxin that is used in the ritual is very highly diluted. This was full strength, we will just have to watch and see," he told him 

"Okay, I understand. You two go get on it, and I´ll stay with her," Spike told them dismissing them all together as he sat down next to Buffy, and took a wet, cool cloth, and began wiping the sweat off of her fevered face. 

Giles and Anya left Spike with Buffy, and they entered the main shop just as Willow, Tara, and Dawn came in through the front door. The older man looked very relieved to see them. 

"How is Buffy?" Dawn asked, her eyes wide with fear as she ran up to him looking for her sister. 

Calmly, he told the scared teenager, "she´s still alive, but unconscious, and not doing very well. Spike identified the demon that clawed her, and I am going to work on a remedy. Willow, Tara, I am going to need your help too as some of the remedy is magical in nature. 

"Got it," the two young woman answered, setting down their bags. Xander showed Willow the book where Spike had found the demon and she blanched at what she was reading, looking to Xander worriedly who shook his head that the situation was not good at all. 

"Can I see her?" Dawn asked anxiously, her eyes large with worry about maybe losing her sister. It had been too close a call not that long ago. 

"Yes, that might be good while we prepare. She´s back in the training room with Spike," Giles told her, and she went quickly back there. 

"Giles, this doesn´t look good," Willow said, looking at him. 

"I know, but we at least have to try otherwise Buffy will die for sure. Shall we begin?" he asked the group, and they started looking for necessary supplies to do the remedy, and the ritual. 

Dawn walked in to see Spike cradling Buffy´s head on his lap, and crying as he held her. His hand tenderly stroking her hair. She wasn´t sure whether to intrude or not. But Spike had heard her and looked up, wiping away his tears. "It´s okay, Nibblet, your sis isn´t dead. It just kind of got to me all of a sudden. The witches, they´re here too?" he asked. 

"Yeah, helping Giles. They told me it´s bad. It is isn´t it?" she asked coming closer and sitting down on the mat next to them. 

"Yeah, real serious. I won´t lie to you, pet. We could lose her if they can´t get the poison stopped in time. And if they do get it neutralized she´s not going to be able to do any slaying for awhile and is going to need everyone´s help," he told her truthfully. 

Dawn nodded solemnly, understanding what he was saying, "Got it? Has she woke up at all?" 

"No, just moans and mumbles like she´s seeing or talking to something. I know she´s bloody well burning up. Just hope it doesn´t take too long to get whatever they need to make done. 'Afraid to take her to bloody hospital, but if they don´t friggin´ hurry I´m going to," he said, trying to keep his voice from cracking. 

"I know, but let´s face it Sunnydale Memorial isn´t all up on demon venoms so, it wouldn´t do a bit of good if we took her," Dawn told him sounding more mature than her fifteen years. 

"Yeah, your right. How´d you get so smart, little bit?" he looked up with a faint smile. 

She shrugged, "dunno, but it shouldn´t be too much longer. They´ll fix her. They just got to," the girl said, not sure whether she was reassuring herself or the vampire. 

The same robed figure that had been in the cemetery earlier looked through the training room windows from the alley, watching and observing everything and muttering angrily to themselves. They had hoped that the Slayer´s friends wouldn´t be able to identify the demon in time, and be able to make a cure for the venom. The figure wanted the Slayer dead, but even if they found the cure the slayer would still be human normal, very vulnerable, and easy to kill for quite a while. Either way the annoying human girl was going to die. She would succeed where others had failed, and she would get her family back--- all of them. 

The young girl in the room was a puzzle. She didn´t know her. She was sure of that. Instead of normal human, when she looked at her she saw swirling green energy, and odd realms. There was strong magicks about her, untapped ancient forces—power, lots and lots of delicious power like sweet candy it called to her. She wanted it. She was going to have all that wonderful power, and now with the slayer out of the way nothing could stop her. Her yellow eyes gleamed in the darkness sparking with jealousy as she watched her former lover try to help his new one. 

End Part 3   
  
  
[][1]   


[Vickey Brickle-Macky @ vbmacky1@yahoo.com][1]   
  


   [1]: mailto:vbmacky1@yahoo.com



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